Is your touch conveying your truth?

Touch is such an important part of satisfying sex, from start to finish. But touch can be super fraught, especially when initiating sex.

I often hear from clients that it's too much to just say they want to have sex (due to social conditioning, prior rejection, underdeveloped communication skills, etc. etc.). So, instead of being verbally direct, they try to hint through body language, especially through touch.

But when you try to convey your intentions using touch — and no other methods of communication — it's easy for your desire to be misconstrued.

Let's explore how difficult it can be to infer intention from touch, shall we? Which of these is a sign that your partner wants to have sex?

🤔 A pat on the butt

🤔 Your partner's finger lightly drawing a line down your arm in the morning

🤔 A hug

🤔 Stroking your partner's hair

🤔 A foot massage

It's hard to tell, right? Any of those kinds of touch could mean “I want sex,” or they could mean “I just like touching you,” “I want to feel connected to you,” etc.

If your touch isn't conveying your intention, it's time to fix your “touch message.” (A term I picked up from Patti Britton's The Art of Sex Coaching 💛 )

First, be honest with yourself about the energy you want to express to your partner. Do you want to have sex, or do you want to just feel physically connected? Do you you want to give a healing touch, or just be flirty?

Once you know your energetic intention, it's time to match your touch to your intent. You can do this by:

👍 Change up your form. Try altering the intensity of your touch (e.g. a grab vs a light brush), where you touch your partner on their body (e.g. their butt vs their hand), and/or the gesture that you use (e.g. a squeeze vs a pat).

👍 Add descriptive language the next time you approach your partner. Try, “Hugging you makes me feel so connected to you.” Also . . .

👍 Outside the bedroom, check that your touch lands how you want it to. Say, “I love grabbing you by the waist when I'm turned on—does that excite you too?” And of course . . .

👍 Be ready to adapt. Your partner may not love all the forms of touch they receive from you, but it's better to know that and change your approach than continuing to do the same thing and getting the same outcome.

This is all easier said than done, of course. But little changes often lead to big outcomes, and matching your touch with your intent truly makes initiating sex that much easier.