The perennial question - Am I normal?

I get a ton of different questions as a sex educator and coach, but often what these questions boil down to is:

“Am I normal?"

The TL;DR? Almost always yes.

Which is a relief, right? But I wanted to give you a little something to keep in your mental back pocket the next time you're struggling with this question.

🎉🎉🎉 Common doesn't equal normal! 🎉🎉🎉

Most of the time I encounter someone struggling with this question, they're basing their idea of what's normal on how much they see or hear about it (whatever their “it” is) in the communal and cultural circles that they're in. They're making the assumption, as anyone would, that if something is normal, it will be prevalent and noticeable in the world around them.

But in the realm of sex, that simply isn't a useful measure for normalcy. 

Due to reasons both rational (e.g. personal privacy) and irrational (e.g. standards set by US abstinence-based sex education), we can't judge what's normal sexually on how frequently we encounter a desire or behavior. For example, did you know that one researcher discovered 237 reasons why people have sex? And another researcher found 7 overarching categories of sexual fantasy, with many variations included below each category?

The world of sex and sexual desire is wide, and wild. 

So the next time you catch yourself in the muck of feeling othered, just remember:

💛 Don't count yourself out or down just because the thing you're into doesn't feel normal to you

💛 Seek out reputable information and trustworthy community around your desire(s)

💛 Get support from a trusted friend, therapist, or coach to further explore your perfectly normal sexual wants and needs